Saturday, August 05, 2006
haha the past week i think since tues ba, been drinking yang ming jiu... haha quite useful for the 1st 2days but at thurs night mom poured too little then, yesterday night i sleept too late... help me to keep awake in class sia... wun even sleep in boring lecture... will still be tired for the day but wun fall asleep... dunno y... so good lor since i wanna pay more attention le... worked for the tues phy practical lessons...
haha so qiao... wanted to type something related to my brother, then volume up the radio and its 'where'd you go' - Fort Minor
mm the old jieyan's gone... dead when my brother passed away and brought it along when he left... it seems that i'll never be my old self again-like what raymond (my LTC facil) says... the old me doesnt care about my future... the old me thinks about death as a solution... the old me thinks that my brother will succeed me in everythink so i dont have to care about all the things at home... the old me sees myself as the burden to my family... the old me sees things differently, he's a selfish asshole... the new me was brought out under the extreme circumstance... brought out through a horrible experience... forced to be by pressure from everyone and myself...
i've got a burden now... very huge one... so much pressure from everyone... now that i'm the only son... it seems that all hopes are on me... so many to think about that i've never think before... so many things about my future... so many things i need 2 do... need to accomplish... need to fulfil so many stuff.... i'm not complaining... maybe the old me will but not who i am now... maybe i'm numbed... too numb... i noe i need to change... so ya i need to do that...
well used to think that i could depend everything on my brother... always expecting him to be scoring much better than me... expecting him to be there if anything happens to the computer... expecting that if i could just die there is still him in the house... expecting that even if i dun get married he carry still carry on the family line... expecting that i will always be the bad boy of the house and he'd be the good one...
ya had a chat with raymond after his interrogation session... mm had a long chat on life... haha and to convince me to be more confident... dunno if i'm go try out the LTC facil... mm interested but mm dunno if i hav the time to spare... september's got a day of training... just scared later my momentum break then die...
mm holiday week coming... got jus's birthday coming... mm gotta study for thermodynamics for chem test after the holiday... study!!! haha...
in life you just lived life for granted and when sometihing tragic happeneds to you that make you realise that you have a group of people that you have to care and love and take care of, you'll be more responsible... because you'll have a responsibility to do so... you'll understand more about life... and when it really does, u'll change for the better...
-rain keeps poring-
12:45 am